Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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