I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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