im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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