well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
