No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
