My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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