his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
