YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
