You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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