Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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