I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
