you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
