walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
