I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
