so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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