Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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