I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
