I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
