perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
