Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
