So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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