Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
