I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
