I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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