I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you made out with another girl for some wings
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
