like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
well you can't waste a boner
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
