I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
