I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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