Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
