I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
