i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
