Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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