i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Michael Bay diarrhea
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Randomize
