We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Holy sore nipples Batman
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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