It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
