biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
