The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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