I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
