tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
