question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
