i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
