Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
