u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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