Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
