I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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