Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
