So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
