Who wears a wallet chain?!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
