guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
