i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
