My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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