My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
