I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
