I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
