I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
